Thank you all so, so much for your honest posts. It is so strange (in a good way) being in a community like this. I have never been in a place where people understand what I'm going through regarding this. I know it's true I should stand up for myself, that I don't deserve this. It is SO hard, though. I want us to work so badly, and so I keep going with it everyday. He tells me time and time again that he does want to get better, and does want to get sober. But he never does anything about it. Deep down, though, I know that I don't deserve this life....and that this chaos and deception and heartache IS going to be forever. Thank you all so, so, so much for your posts.