Hi Michelle,
I, as many others here, can feel your pain. Many of us have been there. Many years ago I was in your same place. I loved her, I wanted her to change, I knew she could. She was such a wonderful person when not drinking, lying and cheating. I ignored the blaring siren in my head that said her actions are not right, and her treatment of me is not right. But she said she loved me, and I believed her, even though many of her actions didn't seem like it. I believed her when she said she was done drinking. I believed her when she said "never again." I believed her when she said she was sorry.
Eventually I started to blame myself. I lost myself into her disease. My happiness became unimportant. I readily accepted completely unacceptable behavior. But I still couldn't leave her. Because I know she could change.
She and my unofficial step kids that i helped raise moved out in November. My life is pretty empty now. Her life continued to spiral out of control. So here I sit after 13 years, unable to sleep at 4:30 in the morning, reading others sad posts about the pain that alcoholism is causing in their lives. I started seeing my own therapist. I am depressed, lonely and still miss her.
Thirteen years ago I had no concept of alcoholism. I had never seen it. Now I can tell you that I have lived it. It has damaged me and those around me. I do not wish this pain on anyone.
He is showing you who is. Who he could be is a fantasy- your fantasy. If it was his fantasy, he would be that person already. Only you can decide what to do, but realize that you do have a choice. You can get out anytime you like, before you end up like me, and others here like me that waited for so long for their alcoholic to change.