Sounds like it is a lot of effort to try to make sure you don't get out of control. Avoiding go out to places to drink , avoiding drinking alone, working out addictively. All that for a drink or two. Hardly seems worth it, why not just quit altogether.
I am glad I got off the mousewheel all together. Still sounds like a mental merry go round to me. Should I? , can I?, Am I safe here drinking? ,Will I be outta a control?...............