yes it was a good day yesterday the kids helped clean, i went and bought food and i even let one of the kids friends come over. BIG STEP for me, i never let anyone come over because i have some anxiety linked to anyone seeing our house. i guess ill eventually be posting in the anxiety forum....
i guess it came to just do it yesterday and im glad i did. in the back of my mind i remember reading somewhere about manic depression. like im wondering if thats what i have, it says you get spurts of energy and do more things than normal , i hope i just am starting to let go of my anxieties and just accepting who i am and what my faults are and letting people see the real me including my house, no matter if it compares to friends houses or not. big anxiety for me, but im the only one it really bothers...
since i can focus more on me and less on my recovering alcoholic drug addict husband,
these problems that have been here all along are finally going to have to be addressed!!
I can honestly say that sometimes him having a problem would make things easier for me to just blame on him, as twisted as it is. but now its time to deal and get better myself.
i think the more he works his program the more i HAVE to work mine, my flaws start to show loud and clear and i dont want to be stuck in the way that i have been. it feels good to know and accept and be willing to address whats been holding me back from a healthy lifestyle!
he has been doing well and i dont want to jinx it, but i have to say that he came up with the trip money on his own to go with my daughter on her class trip, he has helped a co addict get into rehab and even had him sleep over the last three nights before he had to go in ....
i think he likes the instant gratification of helping others, and it really feels sincere this time. i see him stepping back alot, or if he says angry things he comes back in a few mins later to apologize....
things like that, make me have hope for him ... i do realize hes in early recovery and he can relapse, but im grateful for the progress i see in him, and my slow progress as well. and if there is a relapse in the future, we both have our tools to not get sucked back into the past behaviors... easier said than done but were both willing to try!
thanks for listening.....