sounds like your depressed...with what you know is THE TRUE FACT...ur slowly coming to realize your own denial of it all
its normal....
time to wake up your routine prehaps? starting with a shower every morning..and taking minute by minute....
this takes time, awareness takes a toll on us...
good work for you in recovery....
maybe journalling or talking to the AL ANON friends outside the meetings?....
and a SMILE is easy to do...FAKE IT TIL WE MAKE IT!!