Dear Jay----Not taking a behavior personally (as in it is about HIM) DOES NOT mean that you should tolerate it!
You d not have the power to control your husband--and trying to "figure him out" won't do it. You will hear over and over, here---You didn't cause it; You can't control it; and you can't fix it.
You are in control of your life and are the one that decides how you want to live.
Pelican gave you an excellent suggestion of where to begin---I endorse her suggestion.
Please continue to come here and post as often as you need.
sincerely, dandylion