Majora

Hi everyone. My name is Anthony Early and I think
I have a drink problem. I'll briefly explain my situation.

I have been drinking since I was 16. I was brought up in a very strict home where my mother very very rarely ever drank and certainly never had alcohol in the house. I was a quiet kid with few friends, but being very bright, I was a top grade student and loved to read and write and sing. That was until I was 15 and met my best friend.

She introduced me to alcohol and it has been a love/hate affair with the stuff ever since. When I drink, I often get very angry or very strange, thinking, saying and doing the most bizarre things. At 24, the past 8 years of my life have sped by in a drunken blur. I suffer now from the most horrendous paranoia and panic attacks, often thinking deeply about the ridiculous and odious things I have done over the years whilst drunk. I consider myself a very good, loving, loyal and friendly person, and am horrified at the things I do whilst drunk. I have began to lose hope. I also feel deeply saddened that I cannot go out like most people (including my best friend) and just be fun and laugh and sing. It really makes me feel ashamed that I am so strange. I long to feel 'normal'. The irony is, I genuinely think that if I had never drunk, I would be so proud of myself, so content, and would have achieved so much. I haven't done anything 'bad' in a while now, but instead I now shudder at the thought of what I could do. I stumbled upon this site whilst trying to make sense of who I am. I hope I'm not the only one, as it really is the most lonely feeling.

Hopefully one day I can wake up smiling and be glad to be me again. Whoever that is.