This is the man who punched and kicked me in front of our kids, I called 911 and he told such a good tale of ME allegedly abusing him that I was arrested. On nothing but his word.
He doesn't have court ordered visitation-- it's 50/50 on paper (bc my state has it as an automatic that way unless there is a clear reason not to-- my attempt-- well, my lawyers attempt to explain that his history of rage and addiction was a clear reason for NOT having 50/50 custody is what started the game playing by xAH around parental alienation and false accusations I allegedly make etc...
Yeah, unfortunately I remember. In my case, my NPD POS ex was heavy on threats, light on follow through. Unfortunately I didn't realize this and never called his bluffs. In any case, he always charmed his way out of everything, pleading ignorance, promising whoever that "it" -- whatever "it" was -- would never happen again.
The worst thing I could or can do with my ex is say to him directly that I think he's being paranoid, irrational, wrong-headed or silly. That's inviting abuse on top of my head. I have to be craftier than that, like interjecting and thanking him for coming over, bye. Or emailing him later and asking whether showing DS pictures of dead kids as a deterrent for WHATEVER is good parenting (also, using said email later for documentation along with the crazy response he sends back). On the other side of all the threats, he still says and does the craziest **** to me and to our son. DS13 never has clothes that fit at his dad's, he's never on time, I can send 30 reminders about anything and then when he's late and doesn't follow through he will just say "I forgot" or claim he didn't know. He has no beef whatsoever with lying.
Anyway, the point being that through all of it, the best thing I did for DS is to make sure he knew it was OKAY to be mad about his dad, to be frustrated with his craziness, to be irritated that he's always late and a dollar short, and that some of the more egregious things he does -- the outright lying and threatening of others -- is not normal or acceptable in regular company. It gave him permission to feel how he felt, no matter what the crazy guy said.