nothing is quite as humbling as crying in a public bathroom!
Oh, the crying! I think it's just because I'm SO tired. I'm not a crier, guys. But this morning, after two hours of sleep, I called a doctor's office. I just picked the one closest to my apartment since I don't have a doctor in LA yet. And they redirected me to a recovery center that does drug-free detox. When the guy on the phone heard how much I've been drinking these past two months (since getting laid-off and responding foolishly to it) he replied, "Um...yeah, we're not for you, sweetie. You need your heart rate monitored." So he directed me to a public mental health center where a therapist kindly sat and listened while I cried at her, claiming "I'm usually not like this, I'm usually funny, I promise." Then the therapist got a doctor. And the doctor recommended I go back tomorrow to talk with their addiction specialist about finding inpatient public rehab and trying to get state funding for it. LONG MORNING. And I have to go back at 8am tomorrow. And the lovely doctor told me to keep drinking until then at a slow steady rate just to keep my heart rate down. I can't believe I did this to my poor heart. I'm sad and annoyed with me. Very ashamed. But rehab, right? That's a step. One day at a time. Lots more crying, I'm sure, but whatever. It builds character. Especially when you're in a public bathroom at a mental health center.