mtgbis

Okay. I'm trying to ween off of a pretty serious addiction to alcohol and I'm on day 2 of reduced drinking. I smell horrible. I'm sweating and shaky. I delightful little basket case.

My mom is an alcoholic. My grandfather was an alcoholic (dead now). My grandmother on my father's side - also an alcoholic. So I don't really know why I'm surprised that my drinking is taking over my life, but it is. I can't do this anymore. I got fired from the job I moved from NYC to LA to do a couple of months ago. Coming in to work hungover every day didn't help, of course, but it was a very high-stress job (I work in the advertising industry, no surprise there... TMI?). I've been using alcohol to fall asleep nightly for the past six years. Started with wine, went through the whiskeys, now I'm just a sucker for vodka. But since I became jobless, I added day-drinking to the mix (kinda already did that on weekends I didn't have to work). I haven't found a new job, and I won't if this keeps up. I hate how I look, I hate how I feel. I sit alone in my apartment and drink vodka and watch Netflix. I live on the beach, and THIS is what I'm doing?! It's pathetic. I'm so tired of myself. I'm living on a tax refund that hasn't even gone into my bank account yet. God help me if I have to move home.

I think I should see a doctor to get professional help detoxing - I'm definitely in withdrawal, what with the shakes and rapid heart rate. No hallucinations but I can't sleep. Clearly. I mean, I'm here. Want to cry.

Did any of you hopefully still reading this long post (sorry) have to detox without health insurance? No job, so no way to pay for a doctor's visit. But if I don't quit, I won't be getting a new job. I need a new job. I feel so foolish even typing that. My career arc has been the one thing I had going for me (horrible at relationships, picked a guy who was a real swine and drank myself through most of that before relocation to LA.)

I don't know what to do.

Here's my olive branch, Internet. Please somebody help me.