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Hello from rock bottom!

Old 04-28-2013, 09:10 PM
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Hello from rock bottom!

Okay. I'm trying to ween off of a pretty serious addiction to alcohol and I'm on day 2 of reduced drinking. I smell horrible. I'm sweating and shaky. I delightful little basket case.

My mom is an alcoholic. My grandfather was an alcoholic (dead now). My grandmother on my father's side - also an alcoholic. So I don't really know why I'm surprised that my drinking is taking over my life, but it is. I can't do this anymore. I got fired from the job I moved from NYC to LA to do a couple of months ago. Coming in to work hungover every day didn't help, of course, but it was a very high-stress job (I work in the advertising industry, no surprise there... TMI?). I've been using alcohol to fall asleep nightly for the past six years. Started with wine, went through the whiskeys, now I'm just a sucker for vodka. But since I became jobless, I added day-drinking to the mix (kinda already did that on weekends I didn't have to work). I haven't found a new job, and I won't if this keeps up. I hate how I look, I hate how I feel. I sit alone in my apartment and drink vodka and watch Netflix. I live on the beach, and THIS is what I'm doing?! It's pathetic. I'm so tired of myself. I'm living on a tax refund that hasn't even gone into my bank account yet. God help me if I have to move home.

I think I should see a doctor to get professional help detoxing - I'm definitely in withdrawal, what with the shakes and rapid heart rate. No hallucinations but I can't sleep. Clearly. I mean, I'm here. Want to cry.

Did any of you hopefully still reading this long post (sorry) have to detox without health insurance? No job, so no way to pay for a doctor's visit. But if I don't quit, I won't be getting a new job. I need a new job. I feel so foolish even typing that. My career arc has been the one thing I had going for me (horrible at relationships, picked a guy who was a real swine and drank myself through most of that before relocation to LA.)

I don't know what to do.

Here's my olive branch, Internet. Please somebody help me.
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Old 04-28-2013, 09:21 PM
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Hey there!! Welcome to the site.

I definitely think you should get into a doctor. My thing is pills but I've been around alcoholism long enough to know that you shouldn't do this on your own.

Physically too dangerous in my opinion.

And yes, i have gotten treatment with no insurance. An urgent care clinic, a doctors office with a sliding scale fee. Call a recovery center if you have one around where you live and they could point you in the right direction.

Hopefully that helps a little
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Old 04-28-2013, 09:22 PM
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You can do this. I had a very similar situation. Moved to SF from NYC for a job. It was very stressful and just got worse and worse. Laid off in November and then went from Very Bad No Good Drinking Habits to What Day Is It? I Can't Recall Because I've Slept Three Times Drinking Habits.

I quit 73 days ago, no health insurance. I did end up in the ER on Day 2 because I vomited blood and it freaked me out (I had been on a bit of a bender, to say the least). They gave me an IV, some vitamins, some ativan to prevent seizures, and sent me home. Thankfully SF has a really good public health program so I only had to pay a small percentage of the total cost. If it had been during the day instead of at night I probably could have gotten the same treatment at an Urgent Care for maybe $100.

It really wasn't so bad compared to what I thought it would be. I was convinced I couldn't do it without rehab but that hospital trip shook my resolve into place. The anxiety etc was bad at first but you just need to remind yourself that it's a physical thing. It's your brain firing like crazy, a fire alarm with no fire.

After about two weeks I started feeling a bit better. Since then it comes and goes, but generally gets easier and easier as time goes on. My sleep is still messed up but I'm a lifelong insomniac since way before I started drinking, so I'm not a great test case.

Feel free to message me if you need anything. You can do this! I can tell you it feels great to be writing job applications without worrying that I'll look like **** at my interview.
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Old 04-28-2013, 09:40 PM
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Thank you, both of you. I really appreciate it. And noted on the health insurance thing. I'll look for a doc tomorrow. Not quitting cold turkey (seemed too dangerous given the bender I've been on) so I think I'll be okay tonight. Slowing waaay down. Not drunk. Looking for help online, so checking those boxes off the list.

Fantail, congrats on 73 days. That's great and inspiring. I hear the beginning is the tough part. Or maybe it's all the tough part, ha. Life is the tough part.

(I can't private message anyone til I have five public posts apparently? I guess that's to stop spammers from harassing anyone. At any rate, I'll likely reach that level fast. It's about to be a loooong night. Luckily Netflix has about five years worth of Law & Order watching available.)
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Old 04-28-2013, 09:54 PM
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Thanks It's all hard in different ways but that first week or two is the roughest. Netflix it up! I was dreaming about TV characters by the time I felt like I could handle sunshine again...
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Old 04-28-2013, 10:13 PM
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welcome, mtgbis! You've found a great resource for advice & support here at SR. Sober life isn't always easy, but it's always real living. That's worth a lot, you'll see!

Good luck, keep coming back here...
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Old 04-28-2013, 10:15 PM
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Law & Order: Criminal Intent with Vincent D'Onofrio got me through several days of detox, lol. I had medication to help with it, so I definitely agree you should try to find someplace free/cheap for when the alcohol is completely out of your system.

Good luck in recovery!
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:10 PM
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Thanks, guys. Insomniac'ing it up over here. But hopeful for tomorrow. This is a great resource. I'm happy I found it.
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:11 PM
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(MTGBIS stands for "Miles to go before I sleep." It feels appropriate.)

Last edited by mtgbis; 04-28-2013 at 11:11 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:18 PM
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Welcome to SR! My drinking problem was also a result of me medicating so sleep.

I wish you the best, and second seeking medical help.

Netflix is wonderful. You will have lots to watch. I'm not into Law and Order, but there are some good series. House of Cards and Hemlock Grove are Netflix original series that are pretty entertaining.

Hang in there. Congrats on taking the steps to get your life back.
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:24 PM
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Thank you. I'll check out Hemlock Grove. House of Cards was terrific! Being on my bender also allowed for lots of TV time. It'll be interesting to watch it sober. Maybe I'll realize Law & Order isn't that great unless you're drunk...
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:31 PM
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Well, a lotta people like Law and Order, and I'm guessing at least some of them are sober.

To be honest, I'm not exactly diggin Hemlock Grove, but its my genre of choice, and I'm pretty far into it so I wanna finish it. If you are going to give a series a try, I'd recommend The Walking Dead...Netflix has the first two seasons.

I saw all the Sons of Anarchy on Netflix, and finally started Breaking Bad. Just didn't think I would recommend Breaking Bad to you...as it might be kinda early for that.

Ok...I know this wasn't exactly the point of your post, but you got me commenting on Netflix..so hope that's ok with ya. I do watch a lot of movies and TV.
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