Originally Posted by
tomsteve 
glad to be readin yer honesty. honesty will help ya greatly. it may ya drank because you havent admitted the extent of your problem to yourself.
if i were to have had alcohol around me early in recovery. there was a igh probability that i would drink. i had the craving, compulsion, and obsession.
remembering the wonderful feeling was something i did at one time. i wouldnt rememebr all the terrible things. when i look back on my drinking, yes, there were some good times, but there were 1000 bad times for every good time.
if you want to see what AA is about, doa google search for "big book online."
AA didnt just save my life. it took me from just existing and gave me a life i never imagined could be possible, one where the alcohol problem has been removed, no more feeling useless, i can look the wrld in the eye, and best of all, i can lok right at myself in the mirror and like who i see. no more gloom,dispair, and misery!!!
Thank you so much Tomsteve! Your words are so helpful and encouraging. I hope you are having a nice Sunday.
There are definitely a 1000 bad times for every good time, the problem is I suppress them (because of the shame and anxiety they cause) and only remember the good parts. I have been thinking about writing down some of the horrible things that have happened, but I am scared to do so, afraid of the feelings it will cause. The idea of being able to look myself in the mirror and like who I see sounds so wonderful, but right now so far away. I look "behind" myself now, not at myself. Mirrors make me extremely anxious.
How long have you been sober? How much/often did you drink when you drank?