The high is never that good to justify the low. You know that I know that but it doesn't stop us. I'm the same I'm trying to stop drinking too. Your still in the early days so don't beat yourself up about this. If the girl you wanted to marry is willing to help you that tells me that she still loves you. Maybe this should be a goal for you. If she is willing to help you all is not lost try and prove to her you can or at least are willing to change. Never forget your not alone here. If you feel down and under pressure feel free to p.m me and I'll try and offer you some assistance. The last week has been the biggest emotional roller-coaster I've ever been on. Luckily today has been a good day but hour by hour I've found my mood changes. Remember everyone here can relate to what your going through so don't be afraid to look for support. Best of luck on your journey.