Thankyou
To those who have provided support in my difficult situation. Some of the comments here are just destroying my already fragile self esteem.
I'm really trying. The original post was irrational and incomprehensible yes, but today all I had had was 2mg val and the same of codeine. I believe I was capable of rational conversation.
I get angry when I see myself in others so I can see where people are coming from but with days until I have to leave my family for 2 weeks to detox and I'm fragile and terrified. I am scared once the drugs are gone my eating disorder will kill me. I have so much work to do and she'd so many tears over some of the posts here today. And over my kids. I'm terrified of being suicidal agajn without the Valium. That was the darkest time in my life.
I've said numerous times, my husband is now home until I go to detox and has holidays the whole time I am there. No one listened.
I've said numerous times I will not do a 5 hours round trip to go to an Na meeting. I cannot. No one listened.
People even had the gall to say my husband and pastor are no good. They are both instrumental in me still being alive and keeping my head above water and I can't thank them enough. I tear up to think that anyone thinks anything of them but my greatest supports.
I'm done. I actually thought I could just come here and be honest because people have done as bad and worse things than me. I had 13 years clean. I did that for my kids. And I will do it again. But I shall seek support elsewhere from now on. I can't handle the extra years at the moment.
Thanks to those who have understood and stuck by me but I really can't do this anymore. I thought people understood.