but if you want to get yourself straightened out with the drinking, it might be best to just focus on you right now.
You're quite right and thank you. In fact I've even been contemplating just being completely honest with him and not coming up with some lie as to why I can't see him. Lying only seems to lead to more problems. I don't really see that meeting him would do me any good. When I get over the OMG I could SEE him factor I can then think - and yeah, what good would that do you? I doubt that the spark would still be there for either of us but he IS still a man and if he's the same man he was then he's going to want more than to meet for dinner.
Also deep down I know he was in the wrong when we met. Now being an adult I can see this and I would have absolutely no respect for a man that age starting a relationship with a 16 year old. I mean I was basically a child no matter what I thought. I was abused by an uncle at a young age and didn't tell my family for many years. When it all came out (and then more victims spoke up) my Aunt said she would leave him as soon as her boys were older. She never did and I lost respect for her. I should look on this the same way.
I will be honest with him and he can stay in touch by email if he wants and IF at this time next year when hes in Canada again then perhaps we will meet.
I must have been desperately reaching for something. I sent the message when I was on the last glass of wine and knew I would not be drinking after that, thankfully it was a short concise message and not a long emotional rambling but still the damage was done.
The support here is great and I spend hours a day here just reading although I am getting brave enough to reply to others now and then.