Oh gee I didn't notice I had any resonses = thank you.
Since you live in a rural area, and don't drive, I guess meetings would be difficult? There are online ones, and other support methods as well.
Well I did notice in the little community activity/phone book that there is an AA number but I am betting its French. Its supposed to be bilingual where I live but a lot of things are still French only. Anyway yes it still would be difficult but I am finding that online support is very good.
Why don't you join the class of April?
Thank you, I did.
Well I passed a few hours, cleaned a bit, made a pot of soup and made about 2 weeks worth of cat food. I feed my cats raw and it takes about 2 hours to chop up all the meats add the supplements and portion it out then freeze it. Those cats eat a lot better than I do.
Checked the email and yeah now the truth of what I did is really hitting. Of course he wants to see me, he is an 8 hour drive away right now )he's only in this country for 6 months of the year) so he says in about 2 weeks he'll be driving to a point thats 5 hours from here and if I give him my address he'll do his business then drive the other 5 to see me.
I don't know what to do really. I think I know in the end I will see him but I am trying to figure a way to do it safely after all I haven't seen him for about 35 years. I don't see how I can not see him. It took me about 20 years to get over him and at the beginning I started doing dexedrine which turned into a whole nother problem. I am going between thinking evil things about him to thinking it was all my fault when we broke up.
I was not an angel in those days I did a lot of things that were stupid and he put up with me. Then again he was insanely jealous and possesive, he used to drive me to work and then come and pick me up when I was finished and while he was waiting for me if he saw anyone looking at me or someone would say hi (I worked in a restuarant then) he would accuse me of messing around with them. In the end I used to think that he was messing around because he thought I was messing around.
Just thinking that I am going to see him though is re-enforcing my vow not to drink, he has no tolerance for women drinking. I didn't really drink when I first knew him but when I was upset I learned that a drink would make me sleep and put me out of my misery for a while, at that time just one drink would make me tired. Of course that didn't last long and it took more drinks to make me sleep.
Anyway this is a bit of insanity sitting here now pondering whether to see him and how to go about it if I do. I mean it would seem weird to tell someone you lived with for years that you don't want them to know where you live. IF he did come then what would happen, it wouldn't seem right to make him go to a hotel......
I just don't know. He says he is still looking for happiness. Maybe I was wrong in thinking that his initial attraction to me was all about my being so young. He never mistreated me, always took good care of me. Was a bit old fashioned in his view of women but a lot of that was cultural, he comes from another country.
Whatever..........its occupying my mind for the moment which is a good thing.
I have a friend accross the street, I should talk to her about her. She knows I had already looked him up on facebook because I had done that long before I messaged him. Her eyes were like saucers full of disapproval! I'm just afraid she'll want a drink she doesn't drink everyday but when she wants to drink she usually calls me over. I can say no, have done so before. But its risky.
I'm having tea right now and took a multi and a B complex, when I had all the supplements out for the cat food figured it wouldn't hurt to pop a few myself. I didn't used to drink tea even though the rest of my family are tea jennies, but the first time I quit drinking I had read that you need to substitute something and since usually I would have wine when my soap opera came on at 4:30 I started making a pot of tea. Now as long as I have had something to eat I can drink a lot of tea.
Funny how I could drink alcohol on an empty stomach but not tea. My natural habit is to not eat until late afternoon but if I don't drink I do find that I get hungrier earlier in the day. It makes me think about my nutritional pie chart but I'll need something to blather about tomorrow.