A realisation
Tonight I had one of those moments I just wanted to share...and this will probably seem really silly to you!
I started a new job after Christmas, long hours and really demanding. Every day I've been pushed way out of my comfort zone. Quite honestly, I've felt so out of my depth at times that I've felt like a child pretending to be a grown up. Nothing new there then! And yes, I'm not going to pretend there haven't been strong urges to drink once or twice, but thanks to my support network, somehow I pushed through them. Or was dragged through them by others, I'm not sure which....
Anyway this week Spring has finally seemed to hit the corner of England where I live. No more scraping ice or sweeping away the snow from the car before I head off for my 80 mile round trip into work. Months of grey skies and freezing conditions at last seem to be behind us. As I've been driving home this week, I've had my window open and music playing, really happy and excited to get home to see how my garden is springing into life. My magnolia tree is in full bloom, the flowering cherry has blossom just about burst into life, the daffodils and tulips are breathtakingly beautiful.
Suddenly tonight it really hit me....the last time Spring was here I was driving home excited at buying alcohol and getting drunk....that was the only thing on my mind. It totally dominated my thoughts. I would sit in my garden depressed, anxious and ashamed.
I couldn't see the beauty in the world. Not for a minute would it have crossed my mind that there was a different way to live. I was unhappy but trapped in my alcoholic thinking. Tonight I realised how much I have changed, how much happier I am.
For all those starting out or struggling, it honestly does get better...stick with it. I thought it was impossible to be happy, really happy, with the simple things in life. I was wrong x