Sad to say I had a lot of suicidal thoughts when I was drinking. Sometimes I had disturbing visions while drinking or the next morning of me harming myself.
It is still tough for me to come to terms with it all today. I came clean and told some people... That helped.
It is like a whole other person existed inside me I never knew about till it was too late. Then every time I got drunk there he was again.
It is getting better though. I have not had many of those scary evil thoughts since getting sober.
I like what your husband said and that is really how I feel. I am deathly afraid of drinking again. I have been offered a drink a couple times since getting sober and I felt like I could jump back and run away.
Alcohol really took me thru some emotional nightmares.
I never want to feel that way again.
Luckily I am much much happier now that I cleaned up.
All the best