this is my first time posting anything,but today i read so many posts and the tears just poured out. i am you, i am all of you.i have experience every feeling that each of you have described.finally someone and so many of you that understand. there is no one in my life that will listen or understand. because i have been crying about this man for eight years.its all old news to them. he is a raging alcoholic,out of control and damn near out of his mind.people know him to be "saturated". i have taken the hits,forgiven the chronic cheating,excused the the property damage, replace the wasted money,hidden the embarrassment with smiles,hidden the tears,hoped for things to get better and believed his promises. and now hes gone AGAIN, in the last two weeks he has hit me, cussed me out,kicked me out of his house,cheated on me,and dumped me and then blamed me.the whole time he was drunk,not just tipsy.DRUNK. this has gone on every single weekend for years. we havent lived together in three years but would be together on the weekends.and every weekend was the same,no different.but i waited and hoped that maybe a job would help or if i kept my mouth shut.none of it did any good.nothing i did helped. two years into our relationship he left me for the first time,thats when i had a nervous breakdown, i was suicidal.it was bad and i honestly never recovered from that.thats when the screwed up thinking began.things like."what is so wrong with me that i cant even keep a drunk happy?" but here we are eight years later,and just today i realized that its not me who was doing wrong. last year he got two different women pregnant and i knew then, i had to get away from him some how some way.i just had to find the strength. well i didnt find the strength to leave him.i did become numb to his antics and i knew it was only a matter of time before he found another woman to fill his need of getting him drinks because i wouldnt anymore.so i am giving credit to god for that one. for making that opport.unity for me.i just had to take it and make it stick. so here i sit trying to make it. but i am alone in my little world,yes i have kids but this is my adult life and they need not to know how there mom is suffering.he put them through enough. but i have NO friends.not one because i had pushed them all away,none of them like my ex. but they were all heavy drinkers too out there screwing up thier own lives.i had enough on my plate as it was.to keep drunk friends and a drunk boyfriend was too much.so the friends went first.and now hes gone.but i am a very very broken woman who is stuck,i dont drive and i live in the country.going anywhere other than the store or to work just isnt possible.what do i do to get help? how do i make friends?
