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not my first attempt to get over him

Old 04-22-2013, 05:36 PM
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not my first attempt to get over him

this is my first time posting anything,but today i read so many posts and the tears just poured out. i am you, i am all of you.i have experience every feeling that each of you have described.finally someone and so many of you that understand. there is no one in my life that will listen or understand. because i have been crying about this man for eight years.its all old news to them. he is a raging alcoholic,out of control and damn near out of his mind.people know him to be "saturated". i have taken the hits,forgiven the chronic cheating,excused the the property damage, replace the wasted money,hidden the embarrassment with smiles,hidden the tears,hoped for things to get better and believed his promises. and now hes gone AGAIN, in the last two weeks he has hit me, cussed me out,kicked me out of his house,cheated on me,and dumped me and then blamed me.the whole time he was drunk,not just tipsy.DRUNK. this has gone on every single weekend for years. we havent lived together in three years but would be together on the weekends.and every weekend was the same,no different.but i waited and hoped that maybe a job would help or if i kept my mouth shut.none of it did any good.nothing i did helped. two years into our relationship he left me for the first time,thats when i had a nervous breakdown, i was suicidal.it was bad and i honestly never recovered from that.thats when the screwed up thinking began.things like."what is so wrong with me that i cant even keep a drunk happy?" but here we are eight years later,and just today i realized that its not me who was doing wrong. last year he got two different women pregnant and i knew then, i had to get away from him some how some way.i just had to find the strength. well i didnt find the strength to leave him.i did become numb to his antics and i knew it was only a matter of time before he found another woman to fill his need of getting him drinks because i wouldnt anymore.so i am giving credit to god for that one. for making that opport.unity for me.i just had to take it and make it stick. so here i sit trying to make it. but i am alone in my little world,yes i have kids but this is my adult life and they need not to know how there mom is suffering.he put them through enough. but i have NO friends.not one because i had pushed them all away,none of them like my ex. but they were all heavy drinkers too out there screwing up thier own lives.i had enough on my plate as it was.to keep drunk friends and a drunk boyfriend was too much.so the friends went first.and now hes gone.but i am a very very broken woman who is stuck,i dont drive and i live in the country.going anywhere other than the store or to work just isnt possible.what do i do to get help? how do i make friends?
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Old 04-23-2013, 04:39 AM
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CoL, do you have any family or anyone else you can reach out to? Any friends who aren't heavy drinkers? Even if you pushed your friends away, if there is someone healthy who was in your life and you reach out to them, I think they will be willing to listen.
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Old 04-23-2013, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by chickonlake View Post
"what is so wrong with me that i cant even keep a drunk happy?"
Welcome, chick. Please join us here: Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information. Lots of great experience, strength and hope available to you.

I have to ask, though, about the comment above. Why do you think this is about you? And do you know enough about alcoholism to know drunks just aren't happy in general? Might be time to do some reading about alcoholism. Seems you are taking responsibility here for someone else's emotions, and trust me, they aren't yours to manage.

Hope to see you over in the F&F of A's forum.
Peace,
~T
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Old 04-23-2013, 01:46 PM
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wow.

I do not relate to anything you say in your post but am amazed at what you have been through.

I only hope your situation improves as from what I have read you seem to be suffering very very badly. I guess it will take action on your part to make things change.

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Old 04-23-2013, 01:58 PM
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Originally Posted by chickonlake View Post
this is my first time posting anything,but today i read so many posts an i am you, i am all of you.i have experience every feeling that each of you have described.finally someone and so many of you that understand.

Neat how that works out, huh? It's comforting to learn that you're not alone in this, there are many people just like you, going through the same thing, and there are many who've come out the other side, and many who haven't.

Learn from those that have, learn from those that havent.

You definately need someone healthy and sober in your life. In the meantime, cruise these forums, talk to the folks here, make posts and read posts.

As far as your concerns about meeting friends and moving on etc etc... First you need to focus on getting a safe distance away from
Mr.HittyMcDrunkenCheaty. Do you have a women's resource center anywhere close? They may be a great source of support for you, and they'll go nutz to protect you from a drunk, it's not just a hobby, its their job.
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Old 04-23-2013, 03:29 PM
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i absolutely agree that i need some one to talk to. i really dont have any friends. not one. the only people in my life are my kids and my mother. she has told me flat out "i dont want to hear it, i told you years ago and you didnt listen,so dont bother crying to me about how hes done you wrong" so i have kept it inside and hidden the pain.till i came to this site. to reply to tuffgirl: it has been about him and his drama for all this time. isnt it supposed to be about me now? about how i get thru this or not get thru this. even if i read about alcoholism, should it mean my feelings should change or the bruises will go away or the other babies wont be his? dib42.currently i dont drive kinda stuck which is why i am here.next month when i am able to drive i will see about that and alanon.
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Old 04-23-2013, 10:26 PM
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Originally Posted by chickonlake View Post
i absolutely agree that i need some one to talk to. i really dont have any friends. not one. the only people in my life are my kids and my mother. she has told me flat out "i dont want to hear it, i told you years ago and you didnt listen,so dont bother crying to me about how hes done you wrong" so i have kept it inside and hidden the pain.till i came to this site. to reply to tuffgirl: it has been about him and his drama for all this time. isnt it supposed to be about me now? about how i get thru this or not get thru this. even if i read about alcoholism, should it mean my feelings should change or the bruises will go away or the other babies wont be his? dib42.currently i dont drive kinda stuck which is why i am here.next month when i am able to drive i will see about that and alanon.
Where are you now? Where is he? Where are the kids?
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Old 04-23-2013, 10:39 PM
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Hello. It really sounds like you are ready to turn a new leaf. You can heal from all of this. I think that it is time for you to take care of you and your children. One courageous step is that you posted on here. You are not alone. I know that it is painful to not have the support from your mother, but support can come from so many other people. This forum is proof of that. Please take all of this one step at a time. Visit the Friends and Family forum and read, post, look around. We have an amazing group of people here that have been through similar yet different circumstances. We are all on the road to healing. Things can and will improve for you with the right tools. Take care of you.
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