It's been a while since I posted. I have such mixed feelings that I can't explain. My AH is three weeks sober, no drinking. One minute everything's great and he's into me and wants to hang out with me, the next you'd think it hurts him to look or talk to me. I don't get it. I feel as if he's in attracted to me completely anymore and like everything I do either pisses him off or annoys him.
Marriage isn't supposed to be like this. I want to be happy, yet I'm just so depressed. I'm only happy anymore when I'm working.
Just like when he was drinking, I feel like I look for him to give me any bit if affection or attention to be happy. When I don't have it, I'm lost. It makes me sound do weak and insecure. I hate that. He knows how bothered I am. Is this his way of still having control over me? I hate the emotional rollercoaster.
It's funny. A high school friend contacted me last night for the first time on twenty years and I smiled so much to hear his voice. For just a small bit of time, I was happy. Shouldn't I be feeling this way more? Especially since he's not drinking?