Am I Normal?
I'm a mess here this morning...crying spells on and off. I'm on day 4, and my physical discomfort last night was not horrible at all, much better than the 2 nights prior. I'm sleeping fine...etc.
It's my brain that's giving me trouble. I'm consumed with so many thoughts...questions. There are so many things I've been disappointed with myself about for quite a long time. Goals I set out to do and never accomplished, giving up the second it got tough, and the weird thing, I never really get disappointed with myself about that cause it's my norm...always has been. Settling in to having a husband that makes a good salary which allowed me to not work..which led to feeling unappreciated and lowered my own ability to feel proud of myself. Spend my days in stretch pants, sneakers and fleece tops cause "where the heck am I going"...I used to wear skirts and heels and go out in the world to work (had a life). I pick apart my husband in my head (and sometimes out loud)...though he is a good man overall. The kids make me feel extremely unappreciated daily and I get so angry with them for that. Have my old high school gf's still, but really haven't made any new friends recently. All three of my kids are in their first year of all-day school and I have sat here in this house for a year talking a big game of all I want to do next... but haven't done anything. I question how much of the things I'm unhappy about can be attributed to alcohol. Never really looked at it that way. Don't get me wrong, I do know alcohol's effect on certain things, but never blamed all bad on it. Some of it I just blamed on being really crappy at follow through...my parents never even held me accountable to finish what you started, which was before the drinking started.
Anyhow.....there's moments I think, maybe I can be a glass of wine at a dinner, or a beer at a bbq..normal drinking type. I've honestly never tried to do that. But then I look at my sadness and wonder if it was always about the drinking...I don't know??? Never thought deeply about it until now.
The title, "Am I Normal?", meaning, is this what happens when you stop drinking?