Am I Normal?
Am I Normal?
I'm a mess here this morning...crying spells on and off. I'm on day 4, and my physical discomfort last night was not horrible at all, much better than the 2 nights prior. I'm sleeping fine...etc.
It's my brain that's giving me trouble. I'm consumed with so many thoughts...questions. There are so many things I've been disappointed with myself about for quite a long time. Goals I set out to do and never accomplished, giving up the second it got tough, and the weird thing, I never really get disappointed with myself about that cause it's my norm...always has been. Settling in to having a husband that makes a good salary which allowed me to not work..which led to feeling unappreciated and lowered my own ability to feel proud of myself. Spend my days in stretch pants, sneakers and fleece tops cause "where the heck am I going"...I used to wear skirts and heels and go out in the world to work (had a life). I pick apart my husband in my head (and sometimes out loud)...though he is a good man overall. The kids make me feel extremely unappreciated daily and I get so angry with them for that. Have my old high school gf's still, but really haven't made any new friends recently. All three of my kids are in their first year of all-day school and I have sat here in this house for a year talking a big game of all I want to do next... but haven't done anything. I question how much of the things I'm unhappy about can be attributed to alcohol. Never really looked at it that way. Don't get me wrong, I do know alcohol's effect on certain things, but never blamed all bad on it. Some of it I just blamed on being really crappy at follow through...my parents never even held me accountable to finish what you started, which was before the drinking started.
Anyhow.....there's moments I think, maybe I can be a glass of wine at a dinner, or a beer at a bbq..normal drinking type. I've honestly never tried to do that. But then I look at my sadness and wonder if it was always about the drinking...I don't know??? Never thought deeply about it until now.
The title, "Am I Normal?", meaning, is this what happens when you stop drinking?
It's my brain that's giving me trouble. I'm consumed with so many thoughts...questions. There are so many things I've been disappointed with myself about for quite a long time. Goals I set out to do and never accomplished, giving up the second it got tough, and the weird thing, I never really get disappointed with myself about that cause it's my norm...always has been. Settling in to having a husband that makes a good salary which allowed me to not work..which led to feeling unappreciated and lowered my own ability to feel proud of myself. Spend my days in stretch pants, sneakers and fleece tops cause "where the heck am I going"...I used to wear skirts and heels and go out in the world to work (had a life). I pick apart my husband in my head (and sometimes out loud)...though he is a good man overall. The kids make me feel extremely unappreciated daily and I get so angry with them for that. Have my old high school gf's still, but really haven't made any new friends recently. All three of my kids are in their first year of all-day school and I have sat here in this house for a year talking a big game of all I want to do next... but haven't done anything. I question how much of the things I'm unhappy about can be attributed to alcohol. Never really looked at it that way. Don't get me wrong, I do know alcohol's effect on certain things, but never blamed all bad on it. Some of it I just blamed on being really crappy at follow through...my parents never even held me accountable to finish what you started, which was before the drinking started.
Anyhow.....there's moments I think, maybe I can be a glass of wine at a dinner, or a beer at a bbq..normal drinking type. I've honestly never tried to do that. But then I look at my sadness and wonder if it was always about the drinking...I don't know??? Never thought deeply about it until now.
The title, "Am I Normal?", meaning, is this what happens when you stop drinking?
Welcome to SR.
Early recovery is rough. I wouldn't be expecting anything approaching "Normal" for a couple of weeks.
Give sobriety a chance. Then get to work on the other areas of your life. Because while sobriety brings a lot of gifts into our lives, it is not a fix-all for some of the problems we've created for ourselves.
Early recovery is rough. I wouldn't be expecting anything approaching "Normal" for a couple of weeks.
Give sobriety a chance. Then get to work on the other areas of your life. Because while sobriety brings a lot of gifts into our lives, it is not a fix-all for some of the problems we've created for ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 103
Hey lady,
I echo your thoughts. I too am a stay at home mom with young kids. I am educated and used to have a career before I gave it up to stay at home which I wouldn't change for anything, but I know how you feel. Raises and promotions used to give me satisfaction, now I have kids who...well...you know! Wouldn't trade them for the world but the instant gratification is not the same. Feel free to IM me, I am your neighbor to the north in WI. Hang in there, SR is a great site! PG
I echo your thoughts. I too am a stay at home mom with young kids. I am educated and used to have a career before I gave it up to stay at home which I wouldn't change for anything, but I know how you feel. Raises and promotions used to give me satisfaction, now I have kids who...well...you know! Wouldn't trade them for the world but the instant gratification is not the same. Feel free to IM me, I am your neighbor to the north in WI. Hang in there, SR is a great site! PG
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 144
Give sobriety a chance. Then get to work on the other areas of your life. Because while sobriety brings a lot of gifts into our lives, it is not a fix-all for some of the problems we've created for ourselves.
No more crying, emotions much more level, "less" irritable, (everything bugs me ) and a general overall feeling of "I actually *like* this sobriety thing.
Stick with it! You will feel better soon and it really is worth it!!
Take care!
Day four is very early in recovery. Don't expect to feel better and more 'normal' overnight. It takes a while for the body and brain to get used to normal functioning. In the meantime, treat yourself well: good food, lots of rest, and exercise if you can, even just walking is good and good for your mood also.
Hi Kasia
I found the first few weeks utterly miserable - I was depressed, irritable, restless, tired.
Early recovery is pretty rough for many of us. We're craving what we're missing and we feel pretty dreadful physically and emotionally on top of that.
But - sobriety gets so much better. It gets better and better. Try to trust us on that.
Do what you need to do to stay sober through this - why have to go through early recovery again? Early recovery stinks, but you only need to do it once. And do what you can to treat and pamper yourself a bit (obviously without any connection to alcohol).
Hang in there - it really is worth it.
God bless +
I found the first few weeks utterly miserable - I was depressed, irritable, restless, tired.
Early recovery is pretty rough for many of us. We're craving what we're missing and we feel pretty dreadful physically and emotionally on top of that.
But - sobriety gets so much better. It gets better and better. Try to trust us on that.
Do what you need to do to stay sober through this - why have to go through early recovery again? Early recovery stinks, but you only need to do it once. And do what you can to treat and pamper yourself a bit (obviously without any connection to alcohol).
Hang in there - it really is worth it.
God bless +
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
I try to rarely use the term "normal" but I can say that your experience sounds very typical. Early days and weeks are interesting and challenging with so many ups, downs, emotions, racing thought, etc. Unfortunately that little voice saying that maybe you can have a glass of wine or a beer like "normal" drinkers is also very typical. Don't fall for it! So many of us have. I did twice. Maybe I am sheltered but I personally have not yet met a peson who reports being successful at that. Such a torturous approach too, always trying to moderate, plan your next "normal" drinking opportunity, trying not to cross that line, etc. Much better and more liberating just to be done with it completely IMO. I simply choose to not drink. Plenty of "normal" people make the same choice for a variety of reason.
Stick with it. Things get better.
Stick with it. Things get better.
Thanks everyone for your uplifting thoughts. I have turned what started out to be a somewhat miserable morning around. Just got off the treadmill...2-1/2 miles...half of which I ran..have to get ready for a 5K in late June. Never did any "organized run" in my life. Are you kidding, that would mean I had to train, get up early, and maybe not drink the night before (I would probably drink anyway though). Now, off to the shower, make myself pretty and go out and pick up some yarn for my little crafty 10 yr old daughter who's been asking for some for weeks.
I guess as long as you sit around moping you won't feel better. Thanks again!
I guess as long as you sit around moping you won't feel better. Thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 81
You are not alone. I also have the chatter in my head. Except mine is about bullies at work, me refusing to settle for the dusch that been stocking me for last two years, people like my mother who just wants me to breed, .... (this is not an insult) but you are exactly describing what makes me hiperventilate right now. So the point im trying to make is the grass on the other side is not greener. I am an alcoholic too. I think for the chatter to stop we need to find a balancee between the two opposites.
Hi Kaisa,
I can tell you that the work-force these days is also quite miserable haha. I have been under-employed for years now and can't find a decent job that suits my education and experience which drove me to drink. Alcohol definitely doesn't help our unhappiness and it does sap our motivation to improve our lives. Hang in there!
I can tell you that the work-force these days is also quite miserable haha. I have been under-employed for years now and can't find a decent job that suits my education and experience which drove me to drink. Alcohol definitely doesn't help our unhappiness and it does sap our motivation to improve our lives. Hang in there!
I hear ya! I remember working was not always fun when I was living it. But, I think one of the big things for me is adult contact (and of course the money "I" earned would be nice as well). I've been home for over a decade, and now alone ALL day. I'm an extravert that has kindof become a recluse of sorts from so many years alone (or with babies). And, I feel I have so much more to offer the world than laundry & cleaning.
(if you are a stay-at-home mom or overweight, please DO NOT take this as critical...I don't mean it that way)
I was just thinking a little more about my disappointment, and where it stems from. I grew up with a 300 pound stay-at-home mother. She always explained that she was doing what she wanted to do, however, as I grew older I learned how much she hated herself for being big. I always thought she really let herself down as far as doing more in her life to make HERSELF happy; whether it's a job, volunteering...some sort of passion, because, she really is a great woman. But for her, her addiction was known by ALL the minute she walked in a room, and she had tons of shame. For us, we can hide what a mess we are with alcohol a bit....no one needs to know how hungover you are. Well, here I am now, an adult, a mom...and I'm not overweight (well I could shed a few pounds, but nothing crazy) and I feel I have become her. Not pursuing anything..not wanting to commit to many things because I may be hangin like a dog...or if its a night thing, I want to stay home so I can drink. I cannot believe that happened; different addiction, same behaviors.
Anyhow...just some self analysis that maybe someone can relate to...it's a new day right....4th day and holding strong. I can start being in charge of my life vs taking a back seat.
I was just thinking a little more about my disappointment, and where it stems from. I grew up with a 300 pound stay-at-home mother. She always explained that she was doing what she wanted to do, however, as I grew older I learned how much she hated herself for being big. I always thought she really let herself down as far as doing more in her life to make HERSELF happy; whether it's a job, volunteering...some sort of passion, because, she really is a great woman. But for her, her addiction was known by ALL the minute she walked in a room, and she had tons of shame. For us, we can hide what a mess we are with alcohol a bit....no one needs to know how hungover you are. Well, here I am now, an adult, a mom...and I'm not overweight (well I could shed a few pounds, but nothing crazy) and I feel I have become her. Not pursuing anything..not wanting to commit to many things because I may be hangin like a dog...or if its a night thing, I want to stay home so I can drink. I cannot believe that happened; different addiction, same behaviors.
Anyhow...just some self analysis that maybe someone can relate to...it's a new day right....4th day and holding strong. I can start being in charge of my life vs taking a back seat.
Kasia
hay you are doing great. day 4 is great! for me it was one day at at time and sometimes it was one hour by one hour. you can do it. looks like you have a healthy activity of running, that is great lots of benefits from running. i plan to start that soon again. hang in there kasia!
hay you are doing great. day 4 is great! for me it was one day at at time and sometimes it was one hour by one hour. you can do it. looks like you have a healthy activity of running, that is great lots of benefits from running. i plan to start that soon again. hang in there kasia!
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