It sounds like things need to change in your home environment. My home is my sanctuary, a safe haven away from the world. I would not be able to come home to drinking, clouds of smoke and people. I could not do it. I get where you are at. If your partner is not on board with you and wants to continue down the path that he/she is on, maybe you need to make another plan for yourself. It is very important to have support in your home and with your partner.
My husband and I had to have a lot of conversations ( sometimes arguments) about what we both needed in our home environment. Compromise has been met. When people say that you should focus on yourself, that also means that it is imperative that you look out for your well being and your sobriety.