Datro ~ The only one who knows if you have a problem with alcohol is you....and if it's causing you this much pain in your life, it sounds like it's time to let it go.
If you want to, make the decision to stop. I can't think of anything else that will prevent you from picking up that first drink next time....make the decision, and then you can utilise all of the help available to help you stay stopped.
There is a ton of love and support here, glad you found us!
Venus xx