You hit the nail on the head, MT. He is not ready to grow up.
My current plan is to wait until I am absolutely sure what my next steps should be. He has promised me that he will cut down almost entirely or quit by the time our daughter is born in August.
I would be shocked if we made it that long, honestly. But, and I know a lot of people will say it is wishful thinking and I should do it now, but I feel the need to ride it out. It is just something I feel I must do for myself - be absolutely SURE that this is it. If it is the right thing to do, I will get there. I generally have a low tolerance for bs and he is wearing on my last nerve right now.
As for what I am doing for me.... I am going to start going to Al-Anon on Monday. I am already taking steps to stop enabling him as much as I can - I don't come get him from the bar, I do not get up and talk to him, I do not even cook him dinner on days he goes out. Nothing.
But I need help. I know that. I need to untangle myself from the trap of co-dependency and figure out what I need to do, and then I need to feel sure within myself that it is right.