Cleo,
seems the "i can't..." follows so easily from the "on saturday i couldn't..." in our crazy minds.
if this were so, none of us could. and we can!
and yeah, every time i "slipped", i was convinced for a while that i simply couldn't. that therefore i was done with all that trying. through with it.
that way, i could just sink back into drinking and leave myself alone for a while about it.
but this is crazy self-talk, and on another level i KNEW that.
and i understand the don't-beat-yourself-up message, and yeah, beating gets no good results, but i do think it's a big deal to slip. it undermines a lot of stuff.
and points to something additional/different needing to be added to what you're doing. that's an opinion, of course
hope to see you here again.