Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
just keep taking your power back. continue to get him down to right size, just another faulty human.
Is it possible that my identity got wrapped up in his and that is the power I lost? Why did I give him all that power? Or did I get swept away by a tidal wave of narcissistic drug induced manipulation? Gotta check myself right there. That's where I got stuck. If I was the me I am today back then, I would not even be on this forum.
Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII thing was, he hadn't changed one bit. and what I once found fascinating and intoxicating (the classic come here, go away, you can't have me but i'll give you just enough to think you can) I found.......boring. predictable. childish. whatever hold on me I once let him have, I took back.
I suppose time and space does heal because a lot of my healing process I owe to having a lot of physical distance over the last couple of years and logical detachment thanks to recovery. But the emotional and spiritual detachment is more recent, as in just a couple of months. It's like coming back to reality from being possessed and then learning to trust reality as the truth. Yep, I get love drunk on the chaos and drama and mystery. His story is boring for sure. His life is boring for sure- all he does now is get high and drown in TV. But I know right now, a "healthy" partner would seem boring to me which is why I am flying solo until I trust myself again to not fall into codependent traps.
Anvil- Why is it that there is nothing more attractive than someone who has overcome hardship and understands struggle or is it the struggle itself? I don't think I could ever want anything different. Anyway, rambling now. Just trying to stay level and strong. Old habits die hard.