Welcome EndStage. Great job on your 21 days. We know how very hard it is to accomplish that.
I understand why you wanted something to help you cope - but in the end, it just ends up turning on us. It never really does anything but mask our problems. You've made a brave decision to get your life on track. You are cared about here, and we want to help. I hope you'll find the encouragement and hope you need.