Wow!
It is incredible to me to read all of the replies to my post. I seriously am touched beyond words. I have read AND HEARD each and every one. And it takes me back to the moment I realized that it wasn't just my Husband who was powerless over alcohol... I was too. I had no control over his drinking and I really don't have control over his recovery. Can everyone tell that I like to have control? UH YES! He is finally doing what I wished and prayed for....He is not the only one that needed to change- I need to also. Letting go of the role of detective, damaged person, angry person, hurt person, and yes mother to him is proving to be a hard task. It is engrained in me- I guess like drinking was to him. So I am going to try (with help from Alanon) to shed that skin. Another thing I realized is that when he drank I was the only one he talked to or shared his feelings with. I literally was the center of his world. I always said that was too much pressure and I hated it. Well now that he is in AA and he is talking to others and opening up to others....I am realizing i have a bit of resentment about that. I guess I need to take an honest inventory just like he is....I am slowly figuring out that I was not the "healthy one" in the story of us. I am just as flawed and confused. That's a hard pill to swallow. So THANK YOU ALL AGAIN for your words, they truly helped me see that as he recovers, I have to also.....