Welcome to Sober Recovery. You have found a really great site with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where you are or are where you are. I am glad you found us but sorry for the reason why.
Please read the 'stickys' at the top of this forum as there is lots and lots of great information there!!!!
How do you let go emotionally? I know that being pregnant is making it harder, but I feel so many emotions and the pain seems overwhelming right now.
What helped me to start 'letting go' was to make a PRO/CON list about staying together. taking an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper, and drawing a line down the middle the long way, putting Pro on top on one side, and Con on top on the other side. It took a few days to finish it, and even then I would think of something else and add it to the appropriate column.
Once I was done, a few days later, I took a bit of 'quiet time' in my day and read the whole paper. Now needless to say, the 'Con' list was much longer than the 'Pro' list. I had to read it several times a day at first, then daily, and they every few days, etc.
With my first husband I still had minor children at home, and I had to look at that list with my children's future in mind. Did I want them learning that this is the way an adult treats his wife and family? Is this what I wanted my children to learn? NO it was not! Did I want my children to be more traumatized than they already were? NO I did not!
Every time I reread the list it became a bit easier to start to put him at a distance and let go a bit more. Unfortunately, this does not happen quickly, but it can happen.
You might want to try some Alanon meetings for you, and/or some one on one counseling from someone who specializes in addiction. Keep reading and posting here also, you may not always like what we say, especially in the beginning, but we all share what we know based on the hell each of us went through and what worked for us.
You knew going into this marriage that he had these problems. He told you who is he is and what he is. Now is time to take the blinders off totally and see that he is still telling you who he is. BELIEVE HIM. Once you start believing him, it will become easier to let go, especially if you are looking within yourself to see why you chose to marry this man and have children with him. Because you thought you could fix him? Because you thought he had never had anyone understand him the way you do? Because you thought that with your guidance he could become the man you thought you saw? Because you thought you could fix him?
Those questions are just for you, please do not feel you have to answer them on a public forum. Just a few questions to get you to start working on you, honestly. Answering these questions for yourself will also change your perspective on your whole relationship and in all likelihood will also help with the 'letting go' process.
Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much. Here you can rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh. We are walking with you in spirit.
Love and hugs,