Gilmer and RDBplus3, thank you so much. The people of this forum just continue to blow me away with their compassion and support and insight.
Just to answer some of your questions, I would love to be able to drink moderately, but I cannot help concluding from the negative consequences I have suffered that I will not, like most alcoholics, be able to do that. That doesn't jibe with my actions of last week, but I am earnestly seeking to learn as I go. I think I may be as close permanently quitting as I have ever been, and I know I am more committing to giving up alcohol than I have ever been. And this place is continuing to inspire me and strengthen my resolve to quit.
I love this forum in part because it is keeping me engaged in and mindful of my sobriety each and every day. I obviously have more work to do. I need to learn to be with my urges and the resulting discomfort instead of acting on them.
Gilmer, so you're in Fauquier County? I will never forget the complete and absolute awe I felt the first time I visited Middleburg. I had no IDEA what I'd been missing. I've been to the races at Glenwood Park and did the stable tour for at least the third or fourth time last year -- my first visit to the training track and to Lazy Lane, where I petted Preakness and Belmont Stakes winner Hansel. Also spent my share of drunk afternoons at the Gold Cup and some other steeplechase venues.
Thank you both again for your support. I got a little misty here.
D'oh--I just saw that you're in Ashburn! Also, if it's West Falls Church I've walked to that station a number of times!