Thank you Dee.
This weekend's activities and the company of non-drinkers are certainly going to help me to dive in. Metaphorically this weekend is like a springboard. I have a strong desire for sobriety and shall be working on it harder. My slip up and the resulting headache on Friday, being concerned and obsessed all day about my visage revealing indulgence the night before to coworkers, chewing gum all day and having an uncomfortable feeling in my gut, were BIG reminders of what I am trying to leave behind and how sneaky this addiction is, what to look out for and what I should do to counter enabling thoughtprocesses. There is no more room for negotiations.
@Geek : I am glad for you that you were able to find the right therapist. I have (too) much experience with them not working for me but to be honest I think in the past it was often I who was not working for me in a therapeutic setting. Never fully committed, found myself playing mind games (testing the therapist), or simply walking away from it after a few months of what felt like talk talk talk. My counsellor during detox even told me drinking is not my real problem, that I should get therapy for underlying personality issues. Of course she was right. I just can't afford it right now. It does help that I have a psychology doctor in the family but he can't / won't provide therapy as there is an obvious conflict of interest, lack of distance. But for the long term I recognise that's something I should do.