He absolutely is in need of constant validation-- it's what makes me (well that and many other things) see him SO clearly as a narcissist.
Unfortunately the "things" he wants are all reputation based. Money isn't a topic we are battling over. What he wants is to have others see him as perfect-- including his kids-- I have considered talking to D7 and explaining that it's better to just not let him know if she is upset (she is vocal about telling him her feelings which is a positive side effect of therapy). When he feels that those closest to him may speak poorly of him to the public world (ie: he knows the girls have spoken about his abuse of me to their teachers and it enrages him) he goes off the deep end with anger. I wish there were a way I could tell him he's wonderful and great simply to appease him without then calling into question my credibility when I also say that he's abusive and awful.
Actually yesterday I took the approach with him of "I want to make your life easier and why don't you let me know what visitation schedule and communication schedule for you and the girls looks like and we can sort it out from there". Putting it on him to say what he wants (knowing he won't put anything in writing that he doesn't actually want to follow through with) may work better than me going through my lawyer and proposing to him what I want.
When he thinks he is calling the shots and not having to compromise or cooperate, he seems more willing to cooperate so I sent that as an email and cc'd my lawyer (I talked to my lawyer first about it) and thus far haven't heard back.
I am trying to figure out how to kill him with apparent kindness while still very much protecting my own interests. I feel guilty faking it almost as if I am being as deceitful as he is but I guess when it comes to self preservation and the girls well being, anything goes....