Since I quit a year and a half ago I've watched someone who I used to consider a friend fall completely apart before my very eyes. He said he was quitting with me, something that I did not ask for or expect from anyone. That lasted for a couple of weeks I guess then he just spiraled off and we didn't see him much as I white knuckled through early sobriety. When I did see him everything was cool but different without the drinking buddy thing. I found him to be slightly annoying but I wasn't going to say or do anything. I was feeling pretty fragile.
Then his wife left him, just packed up and left while he was out of town. It sent him way off into a world of self pity. Of course he had the right to feel bummed, depressed even, but he took it to crazy levels. He was inconsolable. He lost 45+ pounds and added Xanax to his daily wine. Despite being rendered nearly sub human by this crazy mix he kept his business alive with help from his partner. He told everyone about how crazy his estranged wife was. I told him that I considered such talk ungentlemanly and I didn't want to hear it. Another friend of mine was living with him at the time and witnessed some crazy things. He lost the house and left it a wreck.
I had to start sending his email directly to junk and not listening to phone messages. I just didn't want to hear any more about it. I didn't blame his wife for leaving him. I was trying not create or participate in any drama with him. It was like he following a list titled "How to Behave Like a Raging Alcoholic". I started using tools from this fine website for dealing with alcoholic friends and family. Finally one day he came into my shop and I found myself telling him that I didn't need to see him anymore.
Thank you for this thread. It really made me think. The above situation was heartbreaking but it strengthened my resolve. I don't want to drink away my wife and friends and not even know it. I also smell it on other people and remember all the stuff I got away with. The other scary thing is at my age (47) I'm watching all my old drinking buddies' health decline so fast. I never want to "fake it" through another hangover again. Life is so short...