Sudz No More

I just found out yesterday that a coworker of mine was no longer employed there. I hadn't seen him lately so I asked someone in the same department and they told me that he was caught drinking in his car on the job. It brought back a harsh vivid memory of all the risky things I have done in the throes of Alcoholism and how lucky I was all those years.

I also reminded me of the other coworkers I have seen come and go at various jobs. The guy who came in for his last check at 10 am wobbly drunk and glazed over eyes and of course the other guy I found out that was no longer among the living from an overdose.

Then there are all the instances where I am blown away by serious cases of Alcohol Breath and I think how I may have been smelled in this way and it scares me badly. Breath that you think would light on fire if you put a match to it. Breath that could likely only be caused by a recently consumed drink, or two, or three...

Or the guy that came in at the last minute, nose completely bursting with Varicose Veins caused by excessive Alcohol. Handed me a freebie ticket from medical support but instead of grabbing food he grabs 3 V-8's and Milk. He starts drinking the milk on the way out but bags the V-8's. No doubt to be mixed with Alcohol somewhere as he also takes some paper cups with him. The milk was to soothe his burned stomach. This is not the first time he has done this using charitable donations that are supposed to feed him but what to say? He is not breaking any laws by taking the V-8 as long he doesn't tell what he is doing with it.

Or worse yet, my coworkers Mother who comes to visit her sometimes and she is so clearly burned by Alcohol that even my coworker admits it to me.

I try to use all these examples I see around me everyday to be stronger in my own resolve. To not allow the clarity of my vision of sobriety to be clouded and to never forget where I have been and where I am going.

To man up and stay strong and as Corporate would currently say "Keep Moving Forward"

To another sober day to all of you.

2granddaughters

I'm going to a meeting this evening.

All the best.

Bob R

HappyDestiny3

See ya there..

gaffo

Since I quit a year and a half ago I've watched someone who I used to consider a friend fall completely apart before my very eyes. He said he was quitting with me, something that I did not ask for or expect from anyone. That lasted for a couple of weeks I guess then he just spiraled off and we didn't see him much as I white knuckled through early sobriety. When I did see him everything was cool but different without the drinking buddy thing. I found him to be slightly annoying but I wasn't going to say or do anything. I was feeling pretty fragile.

Then his wife left him, just packed up and left while he was out of town. It sent him way off into a world of self pity. Of course he had the right to feel bummed, depressed even, but he took it to crazy levels. He was inconsolable. He lost 45+ pounds and added Xanax to his daily wine. Despite being rendered nearly sub human by this crazy mix he kept his business alive with help from his partner. He told everyone about how crazy his estranged wife was. I told him that I considered such talk ungentlemanly and I didn't want to hear it. Another friend of mine was living with him at the time and witnessed some crazy things. He lost the house and left it a wreck.

I had to start sending his email directly to junk and not listening to phone messages. I just didn't want to hear any more about it. I didn't blame his wife for leaving him. I was trying not create or participate in any drama with him. It was like he following a list titled "How to Behave Like a Raging Alcoholic". I started using tools from this fine website for dealing with alcoholic friends and family. Finally one day he came into my shop and I found myself telling him that I didn't need to see him anymore.

Thank you for this thread. It really made me think. The above situation was heartbreaking but it strengthened my resolve. I don't want to drink away my wife and friends and not even know it. I also smell it on other people and remember all the stuff I got away with. The other scary thing is at my age (47) I'm watching all my old drinking buddies' health decline so fast. I never want to "fake it" through another hangover again. Life is so short...

Sudz No More

Like my therapist said tonight when I told him about this. "It makes you realize who you don't want to be."

Vandermast

man this is some really full on stuff,,,,,yes I have seen the effects of alcoholism upon many people....and was always very saddened by it....and I ended up a drunk...stories like this remind me that the road that we are trudging, whilst hard, and sometimes having to rebuild after having lost a lot, is far better than dying in a pool of my own puke and innards behind a dumpster,

v

AlisonW

My dad was an alcoholic and eventually died from the disease. He was an amazing person but become someone else when he drank. Our personalities are so similiar in a lot of ways - both good and bad. It was so hard watching his drinking slowly kill him, and watch the spark and humor that he had disappear. I never, ever want to become that, and I never want the people who love me to have to witness that change in me. He taught me a lot about who I want to be - and also, who I don't want to be.

Sasha4

Thanks for this thread Sudz.

If I ever think I am missing out on not drinking, the next day and how the drinkers look and feel tells me I am not.

If someone rings me (usually the same person) and slurs over the phone, again it is a reminder that if I don't drink, I will never have to do this again. And when they ring the next day, doing a check to see if we are friends and that nothing was said that might offend me as they do not remember, I again now I never want to be like that again.

They all have that paranoid, washed out look that I have not felt for over a year. There is no way I am missing out.

thisisme

People like that strengthen my resolve to never go back to hell(drinking).