Thereunconfined

I haven't gone back to check the last time I made a post here... it's been awhile. I'll try to make a long story short. I had over a year sober; moved with my SO back to a large city; starting drinking again. It was fine, then it wasn't. So I start binge drinking... first once a month, every three weeks, down to every 4 days in the last month. I was assaulted one night in Dec. (wasn't even drunk) and that sped things right up.

I'm seeing a great therapist for the first time in a very, very long time. So despite everything, I guess you could say I've been waiting for myself to BE READY. And this week, something came over me, and I feel really ready to quit. I'm not putting off the drinking until next week or the week after next (as I have been for the last number of months).

What I've learned from this experience of abstinence and then going back to drinking (in a city where I started having a problem in the first place) is that I do need help. I'm not an AA person, but I understand that I can be very unhappy sober if I'm not working to get to the root of my issues. I have so much fear of others, my feelings, my past and accepting myself as I am.

Today is Day 5, and I know it isn't much. But I feel and am thinking differently. I feel ready to do this, and it feels good. This morning was so rough... anxiety to the point of paranoia... feeling unreal. My tongue has been swollen for a day from (I hope) dehydration, but I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, and I've decided not to freak out about it. Other than that, I'm just going to take things as they come and keep going to therapy.

So, hello again. I hope everyone is having a fine or at least okay day. It's cold and sunny where I'm at, and I'm just so glad to have already made the decision NOT to drink today.