Returning here after a long absence
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 36
Returning here after a long absence
I haven't gone back to check the last time I made a post here... it's been awhile. I'll try to make a long story short. I had over a year sober; moved with my SO back to a large city; starting drinking again. It was fine, then it wasn't. So I start binge drinking... first once a month, every three weeks, down to every 4 days in the last month. I was assaulted one night in Dec. (wasn't even drunk) and that sped things right up.
I'm seeing a great therapist for the first time in a very, very long time. So despite everything, I guess you could say I've been waiting for myself to BE READY. And this week, something came over me, and I feel really ready to quit. I'm not putting off the drinking until next week or the week after next (as I have been for the last number of months).
What I've learned from this experience of abstinence and then going back to drinking (in a city where I started having a problem in the first place) is that I do need help. I'm not an AA person, but I understand that I can be very unhappy sober if I'm not working to get to the root of my issues. I have so much fear of others, my feelings, my past and accepting myself as I am.
Today is Day 5, and I know it isn't much. But I feel and am thinking differently. I feel ready to do this, and it feels good. This morning was so rough... anxiety to the point of paranoia... feeling unreal. My tongue has been swollen for a day from (I hope) dehydration, but I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, and I've decided not to freak out about it. Other than that, I'm just going to take things as they come and keep going to therapy.
So, hello again. I hope everyone is having a fine or at least okay day. It's cold and sunny where I'm at, and I'm just so glad to have already made the decision NOT to drink today.
I'm seeing a great therapist for the first time in a very, very long time. So despite everything, I guess you could say I've been waiting for myself to BE READY. And this week, something came over me, and I feel really ready to quit. I'm not putting off the drinking until next week or the week after next (as I have been for the last number of months).
What I've learned from this experience of abstinence and then going back to drinking (in a city where I started having a problem in the first place) is that I do need help. I'm not an AA person, but I understand that I can be very unhappy sober if I'm not working to get to the root of my issues. I have so much fear of others, my feelings, my past and accepting myself as I am.
Today is Day 5, and I know it isn't much. But I feel and am thinking differently. I feel ready to do this, and it feels good. This morning was so rough... anxiety to the point of paranoia... feeling unreal. My tongue has been swollen for a day from (I hope) dehydration, but I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, and I've decided not to freak out about it. Other than that, I'm just going to take things as they come and keep going to therapy.
So, hello again. I hope everyone is having a fine or at least okay day. It's cold and sunny where I'm at, and I'm just so glad to have already made the decision NOT to drink today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
The majority of us that keep trying eventually get it right. I'm happy that you are continuing down the sober path, I have recently been thinking the same thoughts as you. To try and stay on the right side of the road.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
I'm not an AA person either, but I do find it helps to work the Steps and talk to people. I don't love it, but nothing else has worked for me.
I'm glad you're back. It's really tough quitting on your own and most people can't do it. Many people have remained sober through the community here on SR. AVRT has also helped a lot of people.
Life is so much better sober. Waking up without a hangover never gets old.
You are precious and deserve a good, sober life.
I'm glad you're back. It's really tough quitting on your own and most people can't do it. Many people have remained sober through the community here on SR. AVRT has also helped a lot of people.
Life is so much better sober. Waking up without a hangover never gets old.
You are precious and deserve a good, sober life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Well , There....it's posts like yours which give me hope. I'm in the midst of yet another relapse drinking, BUT to know that we can say what's been happening for us, here on SR, is a lifeline.
All power to you for making it back! I often wonder about all the SR names from very old posts, where we don't hear from them again. They may be doing really well, and just don't need to hang out here; or, like you...and me, some days too I confess....they're perhaps off in the world of re-activated addiction.
Welcome back!
All power to you for making it back! I often wonder about all the SR names from very old posts, where we don't hear from them again. They may be doing really well, and just don't need to hang out here; or, like you...and me, some days too I confess....they're perhaps off in the world of re-activated addiction.
Welcome back!
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