This is a sad story you tell anathaine. Newsflash: You can't quit drugs cause you're addicted to them. It's harder for some than others but as its been related here many times before, recovery is possible and worth all the effort. Honesty is also important in any recovery regimen. With yourself and others. There is a good life without drugs waiting for you out there but it won't materialize if you keep doing things that you know are wrong. Good luck.