Caldus-Yes I work the steps a bit although I'm not going to meetings. I honestly never did get to a meeting. I managed to get and stay sober through this site and a substance abuse counselor, with help and support from friends and family, and materials from the AA central offices i.e. the bookstore where I live. It's worked so far I just still struggle with thoughts from time to time. I take xanax on occasion for sleep and that is not a problem but like I said, I've thought more and more about trying other things.
Impurrfect-Thank you for sharing and I will read your story. There is nothing more important to me than my work and I don't want to throw away all Ive worked so hard for. The urge to use is increasing and it's time I discussed it with my counselor. Guess I just needed to hear you guys say it.