Black and Blue...
I always felt a kinship with you, we have shared a similarity of struggle...and I have always appreciated your beautiful voice in expressing that struggle. I am happy for you that you have made a decision. Ten weeks on the path to solid ground...toward sanity and serenity. Solid.
It has been 13 months for me. I will say that occasionally the craving, the longing, still visits me. Co-dependency...as I have come to experience it, really is the attachment to the person who is attached to the substance. Addiction is a cunning baffling phenomenon and touches so many lives...like the worst kind of spider web it branches outward, and inward.
As time goes by the cravings subside, I notice them less and less...but they do occur in subtle ways. Perhaps because I have not entered into a relationship with someone else...which I prefer for now, to be in relationship with self...to tend to my own life and focus on direction and purpose and well being. It has been best to tend to self and healing...let the cravings/urges/yearnings be noticed...and keep letting go, without distraction.
It makes me empathize with my ex and his, as yet, unsuccessful battle with cravings and urges.
I like to think of it as comparable...that my desires to see him, the yearning to be with him...were just the same as his urge to use. They lessen over time. Life fills in...in really great ways. But if I am not tending to my spiritual well being I run the risk of caving and relapsing.
I say all this just to share with you that I think the urges/cravings/desires are a little normal for the situation...if you get them, which you probably will. Even knowing all of the horribly emotional consequences...we can still occasionally want to re-engage..."pick up".
Keep going...one day at a time. I have been waiting since I met you to see your colors re-emerge and your capacity for flight be strengthened. You will always vbe free to hold him in your heart and pray for his well being, but you don't have to live and die in the destructive lifestyle of addiction/codependency... you have a choice...like all addicts do, like we all do, and you have made it. Keep choosing life. Your wing will heal. XOXO