You've made a huge mistake, sweetheart. You WILL be sick again. You have a disease. It's not a nice one. You don't get to pick and choose IF you will be sick again - you will be sick as soon as you stop, and I hate that for you. I believe you have just started over. Now the rest is up to you. Finish what you've got, or sell them to someone else. The idea of making some money back from what you just spent would appeal to me more than throwing them down the drain, but I love money
Everyone falls. Don't kick yourself. Get back on your sober bike and ride again. We will be right here for you. Only you will know when you have truly had enough.