EverHopeful,
Thank you. The old me would have never taken the necessary steps to protect myself from him as 'he would never do that he loves me too much". I don't think addicts or at least my ex knows the meaning of that word.
And it's ok to have thoughts like that but give it time it does have a way of coming back to them in the way God see fits. My ex had 3 yes 3 (2 of which I brought) cars given to him and he totaled 2 and one is a no good as he put so much miles on it going to his ex ( the car I brought him and I am still paying for) now he has no car. I wanted and yes I would admit I prayed for him to get hurt the way he hurt me, and maybe this is his wakeup call to grow up and take responsibility. (he ran a red light and crashed into a van with a family in it thank God no one was seriously hurt) though I did not want him to get physically hurt I wanted him not to have anything what was handed to him and now he doesn’t. the old me lived my life centered around him. I spent every minute thinking about him what is he doing why is he late call me or coming home. ENOUGH.
I always pray for those I love and care for and I still care for and love him but I will never allow him the change to hurt me ever again. God will see the appropriate karma for him just give it time maybe 10 years from now maybe 10 minutes but that why there is a say only do and wish good for others cause u never know when it could turn around on you. Don't be ashamed it part of the healing process. U will get over it.