Originally Posted by
jkb 
So yep I would have to say a lot changed for me since I relapsed. I do not take for granted that I am sober but, I no longer live in fear of my beast like I did when I initially began this thread. I know it is there and it will act up when it feels like it but, I do feel also that I am capable of handling it. That is a nice feeling.
I can relate to quite a lot here, Jess. I was afraid of my beast before I knew what IT was. When he was this mysterious voice in my head, this compulsion to drink I did not understand - IT unnerved me. Initial contact with AVRT put that to rest. I wasn't afraid of my beast. But...I did make the mistake of thinking I could IT out to play every once in awhile and it wouldn't be so bad. I let IT out last weekend and discovered within about 30 hours that it was a horrible idea!
But, like you said, I didn't fall all the way back to the previous bottom. Perhaps I had learned enough about AVRT and my beast to get IT back in it's cage before things got even worse. Perhaps something else was at work. I don't know, and I am not terribly interested in knowing. Beast is caged and IT has seen the last of the sunshine.
And, that is indeed a nice feeling.
We're gonna be alright, Jess!
