Originally Posted by KaelaRose

I found this site googling how to deal with an alcoholic spouse, bc my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years and have lived together almost the entire time. Figured that was close enough to a spouse. We just signed a lease on a house last month and are locked in for a year so there is no way "leaving" is an option for me.
About me: I'm a divorced mom of 3 kids. My ex and I have joint custody and I get my kids every other week. Its been that way for the past 4 years.
He and I have been together 2 years like I said. We both enjoy drinking and when we first started dating honestly it wasn't even a problem, or at least I didn't realize it was a problem, until about a year into the relationship. Of course there were signs that I see now looking back that there was a problem with his drinking. I admit that I've made excuses for him and his behavior when he is drunk. When he is sober he is such a great guy. He has a very good paying stable job. He is like a second father to my kids. We used to have a great relationship but the past 6 months has been really strained, affecting our emotional and sexual relationship. There are good days and then the bad ones. The bad ones seem to be happening more frequently lately.
The worst things hes done over the past 2 years is he hit a parked car one night after coming home from a club. He left me at a concert bc he thought I was flirting with the guys sitting near me and just waited outside until it was over. He punched a guy in the face for no reason at a family party. He has sent very nasty mean messages to people who are close to him when he is beyond drunk to push them away. He says very mean and nasty things to me when he thinks that Ive done something wrong. He'll find reasons to pick a fight with me that come from inside his head and have nothing to do with anything I've actually done. A few times when we've had drunk sex he's been way too rough and actually hurt me and made me cry. He has taken my cell phone a few times recently and read every single one of my texts and any messages on facebook and emails to make sure I'm not cheating on him. Which I have never done. After reading my texts a few weeks ago he sent the meanest insulting messages to one of my close friends bc I confided in her about his behavior one night when he was drinking and now she doesn't want anything to do with me.
The last straw was last night. We were at a concert seeing one of my favorite bands. I had a pretty good spot in the middle and he forced me by violently pushing me through people to get right up front. Then half way through the show he gets in an altercation with someone next to us, honestly I didn't see what happened or heard anything that was said bc I was watching the band, and security escorts him out. I didn't follow. After a few more songs security comes to get me and asks me to leave with him bc he was out front causing a scene. He said he was defending my honor bc someone pushed him into me and then said some **** to him. Just another one of his excuses and I"m pretty sure that he started everything. He'll always have a rude opinion about everyone else and isnt afraid to say it, which has gotten him into a few fights.
Its gotten to the point where I don't want to go out with him anymore bc he doesn't know when to stop drinking and I"m afraid of him embarrassing not only me but himself.
He always has an excuse to explain his behavior while drinking. Its never his fault. Always mine, or a friends, or another persons. Never his. His father-like mentor has tried talking to him telling him to stop drinking, go to AA, has tried getting one of his therapist friends to talk to him, even banned seeing him for months in the hope that he'll get help. Nothing works.
I work on Saturdays until mid afternoon and most times he is so hungover from the night before that all he does is sleep until 230, starts drinking at around 4 in the afternoon and then sleeps all day on Sunday too.
Occasionally he gets to this point where he feels like **** come Monday and says I'll stop drinking or I"m just going to drink on the weekend and then 2 days later he'll pick something up on his way home from work.
During the week on average he drinks a half pint and a large 32oz beer and if he gets half pint for me he'll drink some of that as well. The weekend he has a full pint, at least 2 32oz beers and then usually most of a half pint he picks up for me.
Ive gotten so used to drinking even if don't feel like it just so that he doesn't drink what he gets for me. And honestly it makes it easier to deal with his behavior if I have a drink. Even if I say don't get me anything I don't want a drink he still does. As an excuse to drink more. I do not keep alcohol in the house. A few times he says I drank more than I did to convince himself that he didn't have that much. Or I'll just dump half the bottle out and tell him I drank it when in fact I didn't.
When we moved a few weeks ago I found 4 or 5 little shots that I hid last summer so that he wouldn't drink them. He found them the other night and accused me of hiding liquor and asking if I have a problem with drinking. He always turns issues around so its never his fault.
When the kids are around and he is drinking he is on a better behavior until they go to bed. Then he'll tell me how I'm a ****** mom and need to parent them better.
I"m really just at my wits end and don't know what to do. I'm afraid to talk to anyone one about this. I have no close friends anymore thanks to him bashing the one really close friend I did have. All of our "couples" friends think he's such this great guy. And he really is, when he's not drunk.
He says we don't talk anymore but the truth is I won't talk to him when he's drinking. Bc whats the point? He'll forget what I said or distort it.
I do love him. I want to help him. I have talked to him about his drinking when he is sober. And I refuse to give up on him.
Thanks for reading my novel. Any comments are greatly appreciated. It just feels good to get all of that off my chest.