Originally posted by mo
Hi Everybody and Gal
I am going through alot of the same feelings. .again. .beating myself because my family is so torn apart with addiction and bad behavior. I am "shoulding" myself all over the place and dragging my self down the tubes with it.
"I should have. .been a better mother." ".I should have been kinder." ".should have paid closer attention". I know when I start thinking and feeling like that I am believing I have control over others.. but. .it does creep in. .
And talk about manipulation. .My daughter called from jail last night crying and complaining the she is "all broken out on her face. .can't hardly talk cause it hurts so much." Plus she has an ear infection or psoriasis (it can really cause problems with your ears. .and she does have that. .it flares up under stress.) I couldn't bear to hear all this so I handed off the phone to my husband to listen for awhile.
I really don't know what to say to her cause I do feel bad for her but she is there because she broke the law and as I have said before I am glad she is there rather than out on the streets using.
Then I get back on the phone and she says "Sorry this is so hard for you. Mom ." Stab. .stab . .It is hard. .to listen to her complaints. .but she was seen by the nurse at the jail and she was given ear drops. etc.
My thinking is that she just really tries to manipulate me into getting her a lawyer and getting her released. Plus we do send her a little money for commissary and of course she didn't get that this week????? .I even thought of going down to the jail (an hour away) this morning and putting money into her account so she could have commissary . .but. .got out the Codependent No More book and started reading and taking back some of my power.
So. .that is my story.
Blessings to all Mo
Hi Mo:
Again I can relate to your story...listen to this. My son was in prison. When they transferred him there from jail I cried so much that I couldn't open my eyes the next day. He went to San Quentin and was there for about 2 months. While there, he was locked up 23 hours a day. I prayed he could call me and let me know how he was. Well then he got out of there and was transferred to a honor camp where he spent the next 4 years. I sent him packages that took a lot of time because they have to be just so weigh so much be wrapped just right, etc. I took jobs cleaning houses to pay for all the extras. I put money on his books at least once a month. Sometimes 70.00 most times 50.00. He would call me all the time. He talked me right into getting 3 way calling so he could talk to his "girlfriend" at the time. I, like a fool did all this stuff for him running up phone bills to over 200.00 a month with all the calls to me and three-way calling. I would drive 3 hours to see him. Once there was such a bad storm I got totally lost and turned around and took hours to get back home. Then he got out and wow what a changed guy, lasted almost 2 years. He was doing so good I was so proud that I had hung in there and could say to everyone "I told you so". Well, then he got violated for drugs and when to jail first for three weeks and then was transferred back to San Quentin. When he was in jail he broke out with some contagious infection and he told me they wouldn't let him see the nurse. Do you know what I did? I called the warden!!! Talk about total codependent!!! The next day he told me they took care of the problem. I'll never know if it was because of my compaint, but it certainly wasn't the first time I've called whomever to make his life easier. Forget mine!! Crazy! because once he got back home he forgot all I did and just kept and still does expect me to do for him. Not only does he expect me to do for him but everyone else. My husband will not even talk to him anymore because of all the chances he gave him. Yet, I cannot seem to get it through my head to let him go. I guess the moral of the story here is, many times I thought I wished I had not made him so comfortable while he was in jail. I wished I had set limits such as limiting phone calls, packages, sending paper, pencils, and sending it express mail, so he wouldn't ever be without..not to mention stamps. I've spent so much money I could have put him through college instead of jail!! Yet, I still do it! I found this site and am hoping I will start getting strong. I say let them suffer perhaps they won't go back a second time! Stay strong....I'm trying!:signed, Devastated