I'm sorry, but this guy is a PUNK!
No self control.
Bullying, fighting, accusing, causing scenes, inflicting pain on you, good lord, he is spiraling out of control in front of your very eyes. And there is not a damn thing you can do to help him. You are not his salvation.
There is nothing to give up on here, this is not a relationship. You are being held hostage by an out of control addict.
You and your kids deserve better. He has nothing to offer. I can assure you, his unacceptable behavior is going to land him in jail. It's just a matter of time. He will suck the life and every last dime you have. My God , save you and your kids.
Left untreated, his unacceptable actions will only get WORSE. That I am 1000% certain. And no child deserves to live in that hell!! EVER!!
Best to educate yourself about addiction. it's the only way to understand what you are up against, and it's not pretty!
You are fooling yourself if you think he is a good "second father" to your kids. That is not possible HE IS AN ACTIVE ADDICT.
Raise the bar for you and your kids. You deserve peace, love, security, honesty, kindness, gentleness, and this he CANNOT provide.