And I refuse to give up on him.
you might want to think hard about that statement....and ask yourself just how much you are willing to sacrifice for someone with a confirmed progressive drinking problem, who is abusive, mean and controlling. and look deep inside and ask why you think it is YOUR job to save him.
you are not stuck. you owe him nothing. you DO owe yourself and your children a safe, sane and happy life. which you won't get with a drunk who has serious anger problems.