If you're not ready to leave her, then stop giving her ultimatums. All that does is show that you don't mean what you say. And, not to make you feel worse, but she's right about one thing--what you have been doing IS manipulative. Your intentions are good, but you can't do anything to MAKE her stop drinking, and to try to do it with ultimatums is simply an indirect way of trying to do so--i.e., manipulation.
We all know how painful this kind of life is for you. It's painful for her, too, but you can't do anything about her pain--just your own.
Stick around-you will find lots of support and constructive suggestions. I also suggest you get yourself to Al-Anon. You can't change her, but you can change YOUR life.