Hello, I'm new. Relationship is falling apart, not sure what to do at this point.
I'm new here. I found this site via google and I am so thankful that I did. I have no idea what my next step should be and I can't talk to anyone about this. No one knows about this stuff. I have been covering for her with my family, with her family, friends, everyone.
I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years. When we met it was an instant spark but now it's constant fighting. I still love her very much though.
As I type this she is in our bedroom recovering from her bender last night. She has a pretty consistent routine where she drinks herself into a stupor every other night. Night 1 is for blackout drinking. Day 2 she goes to work in the morning (often still drunk) then she spends the rest of the day recovering from the night before. The next morning she gets up and repeats the cycle. She admits she drinks too much but she doesn't think she's an alcoholic. She grew up with an alcoholic father and she doesn't see herself as she sees him. Her siblings also have issues with drinking.
On an average night she'll drink half a liter of vodka and 4-5 beers. Weekends it's more. Probably 3/4 bottle of vodka plus beer. She doesn't consider this too much. Honestly I don't even know because I've been known to drink as much as that in my hard partying days and also I was raised around alcoholics and I don't think she drinks as much as them but they were men. But I get so sad to see her this way. She is slurring her words, she falls down or runs into walls, she will repeat the same sentence literally over and over and then she gets mad when I don't want to sit around watching her drink til 4 in the morning. I hate to even think of what all the drinking is doing to her organs. I get so sad when I think of the kids we used to talk about having someday. Now I can't imagine how that can ever happen.
I gave her an ultimatum last night. I said I couldn't do this anymore and she has to change or I'm leaving. Of course I took it back seconds later and now she isn't speaking to me. She turned the whole thing around on me and said I'm manipulative and that she doesn't want to be with me if it's so easy for me to just walk away.
If it's over I just want her to understand why and to know that it's not easy and that I do love her. But really, I'm not ready for it to be over. I can't bring myself to walk away even though we technically broke up last night then again this morning. I'm just such a mess right now and I don't know what to do.